he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
