I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
