I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
