Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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