when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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