did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
