mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
