You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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