Screwed.edu
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
