Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dick very happy bro
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