Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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