Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
