i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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