If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
