; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
