it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
