We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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