he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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