He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
