Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
