I'm gonna have a badass scar
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
