I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
