the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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