We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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