she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
