They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
