I heard we made out
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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