Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
