Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I looked at my own cervix.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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