I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
