Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
