Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
