so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
