do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
