Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
