There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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