I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
