Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
