1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
