I CAN MOONWALK!
he shaved USA in his pubs
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
