that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Someone came in the potted fern
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
