I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
