So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
