Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As shirtless as possible
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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