There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
