Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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