My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
