Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
