if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
