His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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