I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
