The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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